“Who am I after the military?” An exploration into identity after military service.
Upon reflection of your experience in the military, you might recall it as challenging, but also simple in some aspects. You were always told when to eat, where to do be, what you needed to accomplish, financial obligations covered (i.e., food, housing, utilities), and what you were; a member of the US Military. You were given military values and culture to uphold and protect, along with a title that most Americans and a majority of people met abroad would recognize and respect. When you exited the service, it left a profound void and now nebulous response when asking yourself, “Who am I now?” Through my own experiences and treating other clients with a military background, this theme of “identity crisis” would emerge as a common form of distress among the Veteran population.
Military service is idiosyncratic and every individual that served would share different experiences, stories, and perspectives if asked. One common element that would emerge is that a majority would find immense pride, loyalty, and personal fulfillment in their service and often share of the deep bonds of brotherhood that kept them going during difficult events. Military service can be littered with extreme highs and lows that are difficult to replicate or find outside of this environment, and many of those who do leave service continue to yearn for these experiences after discharged from the military. To join the military is a culture shock, and leaving it is one as well. With the transition out of military service and the culture, how does one adapt and adjust their identity as a Veteran, but also, a civilian?
Identity, according to an article in Psychology Today, is defined as, “the memories, experiences, relationships, and values that create one’s sense of self. This amalgamation creates a steady sense of who one is over time, even as new facets are developed and incorporated into one's identity.” There is a metaphor from Dr. Moran, a respected ACT psychologist, who describes people as cast-iron pots where the contents can be changed or added, much like our experiences within ourselves. The “self” is the cast-iron pot and your identity is the contents added into the pot through your own personal experiences and values.
In a study conducted by Mal Flack and Leah Kite (2021) on service members in the Australian military they stated, “a military identity is a social identity, formed as the civilian identity becomes less salient through military enculturation and is integrated into the self-concept.” It is well known and observed that military service leaves a profound impact on an individual and can be simply observed by noticing clothing identifying one as a Veteran when out shopping or attending one of the many events held to celebrate and honor our service members. The study later goes on to mention that the dominance of military life and the experiences associated with it may become problematic with future identity and social adjustment.
Imagine it, one day you are serving with your brothers and sisters in a shared culture and identity and the next day you are waking up without them there replaced with sense of loss and disconnection. A number of Veterans become distressed and unable to adjust to their loss of military identity and begin to withdraw, reject, and further disconnect from society around them. It’s at this point their quality of life begins to suffer and might begin to withdraw from friends and family, along with exasperating feelings of isolation and disconnection from others.
If this article is resonating with you, know that you are not alone. There are several resources to address what you’re experiencing:
• Join a local Veteran group that aligns with your values and interests. Your local VFW, AL, or VA Veteran Center are great places to start.
• Find a local group to expand your social connection. Anything with a sense of collective identity helps. Church, Cross-fit, cycling or running groups, and hiking clubs are some ideas.
• Therapeutic activities such as Veteran focused horseback riding, surfing, or writing groups in your areas.
• Individual or group therapy through the VA or a private counselor trained and experienced with treating Veterans.
Reaching out to your support network if you are feeling isolated and unsure after military service is a great first step. If you are seeking something more to explore and process transitional issues, reaching out to your local VA or a therapist of your choice is encouraged. Everyone at some point in their life will feel lost, disconnected, and unsure of their next steps and I encourage you to reach out to someone if that’s where you are.
